When I was making this painting, Until I Can’t Remember My Name, I took in process shots. I used video as a reference for some of my paintings in the past, taking screen captures of the parts I was happiest with. When trying to capture images of things like ripples on water, kids playing, and other fast, eye dazzling phenomena, I have better luck capturing a moment on video that I couldn’t predict capturing. In Until I Can’t Remember My Name my daughter used my phone to video herself wishing for a camping trip. The serendipity of finding the video on my cell phone later fits this spirit of adventuring into uncertainty with no expectations. I am easily frustrated by the attitude of forecasting the future, especially by cynics. When has humanity not spoken of ‘these uncertain times’ -is that something reserved for golden ages? As a reaction to uncertainty and helplessness, I find myself mimicking would-be forecasters, sometimes cynical, sometimes hopeful. What brings me to a place of peace is focusing on the present and playing with the uncertainty, instilling an embrace of the unknown in myself and, hopefully, my children, in a modest and honest way. Being ready to adapt, use one’s imagination, and accept our gloriously absurd existence are some of my methods to pushing through the troubling helplessness and becoming conscious of where my influence does exist in my life, and learning how to help those most vulnerable around me.
